Christians: At What Point Should a Son Care for His Mother? What Age is "Elderly?"?

James, it would be helpful to know why your mother was able to get disability retirement. I don't want to give the impression I'm condoning her behaviors/attitude at all; however, It sounds as if she suffers from clinical depression. That would be a reason for her to be essentially nonfunctional. Do you know anything about her childhood, and her relationship with her parents/siblings? It sounds as if something happened to her to make her unable to relate to people and unable to function in the workplace. For you to point out her misdeeds just probably drives her into a deeper state of self-loathing. People who are depressed over a long period of time often enter a profession (such as nursing) in which they are vicariously helping themselves while helping others. Sometimes it works, but most of the time, it doesn't. They're just as miserable as ever, so they give up. The fact that she sits and plays Farmville on her computer tells me that she has withdrawn from society. I would guess that her house and yard are a mess. The reason she's asking for someone to help her with mowing the yard has nothing to do with the yard--it's a way of asking for some sign of affirmation. She's probably incapable of working at this point. If you can find it in your heart to make a change in your attitude toward her as a person and change from being verbally critical toward her, you might find that gradually she will change her behaviors. It may be very slight at first, but keep working at it and she will respond. Don't worry about the fact that she talks behind people's backs--that is the only way she knows of "connecting" with others. Be a big enough person to realize she is emotionally unwell. If she were a person with diabetes or cancer, I would bet you would be empathetic. Realize that clinical depression is also a disease. It's not something people can just "get over" and overcome. People who suffer from this need help just like people with any other chronic illness. It sounds as if she were a victim of child abuse--probably ual in nature. Victims of that are very angry and defensive, because their situation never got resolved and their innocence was taken from them. They lie and manipulate as a defense mechanism, because that's how they learned to survive as children. If she claims to be a Christian, ask her what she thinks Jesus could do to help her. Offer to attend church with her one time just to see what her belief system is. Work with the idea that she can turn to God/Jesus for help (which she may not believe at this point). Learn to look at the situation objectively. I know that is a very hard thing to ask, but it would help you as well. Sit down with her and make out a budget. Enlist the help of one of your friends, and teach her to use coupons for grocery shopping, and actually take her shopping once to help her budget her money by buying wise choices. (She probably eats a lot of starches/sweets, which depressed people do). I hope some of these ideas will be helpful to you. From a professional standpoint, I truly believe this is the problem. Good luck to you.